Ok... I'm a little torn on this one.

On the one hand, if the guy is working for the Greatest Show On Earth and they're not paying him enough to replace his props, maybe he oughta get out of show biz.

Plus, I can't imagine that there's no bicycle maker anywhere that won't step up to the plate and make him one. Hell, for free even... just for the publicity. Where's Trek, Raleigh, etc. now that this clown needs them?

But there's the other hand too. Whoever has the thing, for goodness sake return it to the guy! Take your 1 large and throw a party.

Wherein I dish the dirt on Dominator's first soprano ukulele.

(If you missed Part 1, or just want to refresh your memory, it's here.)

I know a any of you who may be regular Enquirer readers are going to be disappointed because, quite frankly, there's not a lot of dirt to dish. As a first effort this is one heck of a nice uke.

Just to give you an idea, the picture to the left is me busking at the Pike Place Market on March 6, 2007 (click on it for a popup with a larger version). I set a new personal best that day for solo uke busking, bringing in just shy of $30 in an hour. And this is on a late winter Tuesday! (Anyone reading this who also busks the Market will get the significance of that last sentence.)

The uke was quite loud enough to be heard in the spot I generally like to busk. The sound and playability were (and are) fine. It passed one of my biggest "acid tests" with flying colors.

But let's get on to the dirt...

I'm going to concentrate on the bridge area first as several of the things in my "dirt notes" center there. First off, the action is too high. This is easily correctable, of course, and furthermore, Dom told me in his note that I could give a whack at that sort of stuff myself if I liked. I decided to review it "as it stood" instead.

The second and third thing are related to the first. I find the height of the saddle to be visually disturbing. One other luthier -- who's work I've only seen pictures of -- does the same thing and it just looks to me like a stick of gum or something.

Yes, it's strictly a cosmetic issue, it's a pet peeve of mine and it's easily fixable. But I'm here to dish the dirt, remember?

The third related thing might actually be why it looks so tall... the bridge itself seems mighty small. At a guess this might be an attempt to keep the top light so that the strings move it easier, with the result of more volume. I'm pretty sure that he will read this entry so go ahead and comment about this issue, Dom!

One last thing before we move away from the bridge, and this one I really feel strongly about. If you check the pic to the right you'll see that the strings actually disappear into the body of the ukulele with the knot(s) on the inside. I find this to be like magazine safeties on semi-automatic pistols... an answer to a question that didn't need to be asked.

I realize that there's a whole school of thought in the uke world that you should only change your strings if one or more break. I think that's silly.

OK. I use a stronger word than "silly" but I'm being nice for this post... language wise, I mean.

Strings go dead over time and a new set will often spark an otherwise "dead" uke. But this system just overcomplicates the changing process and the only reason that I can think of is that it's the only way to do it with the smaller bridge mentioned above. I suppose it might also increase the break angle, leading to a brighter tone, but it's such a compication that, were I looking to buy this uke in a shop it might (all other things being equal) be a deal-breaker for me.

This next bit is something I'm still scratching my head over. I can't make up my mind if it's because of something in the construction of the uke or if it's strictly a by-product of my playing style.

In my style of "chord solo" work I'm often strumming a whole chord and sort of "digging in" a bit stronger -- and sort of "in passing" -- on the string that's playing the melody note. On both my Glyph and my National the note stands out above the rest of the chord when I do that but I can't get this response from Dom's uke. Maybe he made it too balanced between the strings?

Naaah... but I can't figure out what it is. Perhaps another luthier can chime in if they have any ideas on what would cause this.

Mind you, on strictly strumming tunes it sings and it seems to respond well to finger-picking (something I don't do much of). It just doesn't get along with my particular style of chord melody stuff.

Maybe if I was doing it right...

Next to the last bit (and maybe it's related to the above). When I was jamming with a couple musicians here in the house it didn't seem to "cut" quite as well as the Glyph. Both instruments have a pleasant to my ears "mid-rangy" tone but the Glyph seems to have a touch more high end or something because it came through in the "mix" (uke, drums and either guitar, bass or trombone) a bit stronger.

My last cavil is simple. No side markers. It may not be important to you "alien skill level" players, but to a duffer like me who always seems to be playing something that's just a touch beyond his skill level, having those little road markers is very important. A quick recap. I find that...

1. The action is too high
2. The saddle appears too tall and the bridge itself too small (strictly cosmetic.)
3. String anchoring is a bit overengineered. The normal methods (knot-in-slot, "classical-style" tie or even the pin bridge -- something I find quite icky on a uke) should be sufficient with the first method being my preference for a soprano.
4. Single string picking contained in the context of a strummed chord doesn't come out "louder."
5. "Cut" could be a bit stronger.
6. No side markers

If the action was lowered (and the string attachment method and lack of side markers didn't bother you) you would happily pay around $500 in a uke shop for this little beauty and never suffer a moment of "buyer's remorse."

(Last Note: I kept intending on taking it out to an open mike to see how it got along with microphones but I just haven't made it out to any since I've had it. I need to send it back to Dom real soon but if I get a chance before I pack it up I'll do an open mike and one more quick report on it.)

Last Friday night I got to go out and once again see The Sassparilla Jug Band at Conor Byrne. Further, I sat in with them (without too many fuckups on my part) while they played Red Dog Blues. They were their usual awesome.

It was a weird sort of "meetup" there as well. "Golden Throat" from British Columbia's Heartaches Razz Band was there. He's a MySpace friend of mine but I'd never met him live.

There was also a gal named Erin Jordan that I initially met at a Just Plain Folks showcase but haven't seen for more than a year.

Plus, a young lady named Katie. I played with the Emerald City Jug Band at no less than two of her parties (graduation a few years back and her 21st b'day just a few months ago).

Red Dog Blues required me to strum very quickly and for some time. I was using my National and the combination of the weight of the uke and the quick strumming was causing me a bit of pain. I actually looked down at one point and saw a small lump had popped out of my right forearm (between the two main muscles there). As I commented elsewhere, I wasn't sure if it was a vein or a new baby muscle. It subsided by the time I was done and there was no residual ache. My right index finger was a bit sore though.

Jamming with my friends wasn't the end of the musical weekend though. The next night I was in the south end of Seattle at the Columbia City Theater opening the burlesque show "Sex & Chocolate: A Libertine Banquet."

The Columbia City Theater is a historic vaudeville house -- from the 1920's if I recall correctly -- that has been lovingly restored but in a more "dinner club" style; small night club tables and seating around them. This means that it probably seats about a third of what it could in its heyday, but that still meant that we packed in better than a hundred folk.

It has a fabulous little stage with a gilded proscenium arch. That's me in the pic on the left, playing on said stage. You can click the picture and get a popup of a larger version. Bear in mind that it was taken from the back balcony with a little digital camera so the quality isn't up to "pro" standards, but I think it gets the idea across.

They've also put a full-on recording studio in back and Chip, the recording engineer, was also the sound man for the show. I can't tell you how terrific it is to work with a real sound man! I brought my one "fat can" condensor mike and he had it plugged in and sounding fine within one quick tune at the sound check.

And the audience was simply awesome! What can you say about folks who give you laughs and a roar of applause for doing a mouth trombone solo in a tune? Yep. Actually happened. I was there and I remember.

For once I didn't stay for the whole show, leaving shortly after the second half started. It had been a very long week and I needed to get some sleep. Suffice it to say that it was the usual cast of wonderful burlesque gals and novelties (like an erotic mime act) and the audience ate it up with just as much gusto as they did the appetizers and desserts that were part of the show.

I'll leave you with one more pic -- taken in the dressing room -- and a final comment...

This is me with The Titillation Twins, right after they came offstage from doing their routine to "I Want Candy." Yep, those brassieres are made from candy necklaces. Yummy, huh?

Yeah... being a professional uke-phreak is a damn tough job ... but someone has got to do it!

I know I've mentioned Lynn Hershberger and her husband Brian Hefferan before. Together they are The Fabulous Heftones and they just recently performed at a benefit back in Michigan. Someone caught three of their tunes on video and posted them on YouTube.

If you go to this entry in Lynn's blog, ColorJoy you'll find the links. I like all of them but I think that my favorite is "Cuddle Up A Little Closer, Lovey Mine."

There are two things I want to mention in conjunction with pointing out these videos.

First, if you're a performer in a duo or larger, the vids will serve as a great primer on microphone usage. I think that the Heftone bass that Lynn plays is plugged in, but other than that there are only two mikes, one for when Brian is simply playing (rather than playing and singing) and one more for when one or both of them are singing.

When Brian stops doing lead stuff he turns to the other mike which simultaneously "adjusts the volume down" on his uke and puts him in a position to sing. Lynn leans in a bit when she's singing and stays back a bit when she's not.

This is called "microphone technique" and is a sign of a pro act.

A quick aside here on the subject of volume... I think the bass could come up a just a tad. (This might be the result of listening on computer speakers and also have something to do with the mike on the camera that recorded the vids.) Ukulele is a high-pitched instrument and higher sounds "cut" a lot more than lower sounds, making them sound like they're louder, even when they're not.

The second thing I want to touch on is a question. When folks on the ukulele boards are answering a question about who are the "best" uke players, why isn't Brian mentioned in the same breath as Lyle Ritz, Jake Shimabukuro and the other acts of that caliber? This man can play.

I'm starting a one-ukephreak campaign to fix this. From now on, any time I see such a thread I'm going to post Brian's name (and link) until the rest of the uke world catches on.

Meanwhile, even those of you who aren't ukephreaks should go check out the vids and the recordings on the Heftone's site. You'll be glad you did.

Anyone who knows me at all well will understand that it doesn't take a lot to get me off on a rant about government efficiency. Or capability. Or just plain old ability.

Here's another example.

I mean, how long has it been between the passing of this law and its enactment? You'd think that somewhere in that timeframe someone would have said, "Hey! Since everybody has to have a passport now, perhaps we should lay on a few more employees to process them?"

And if there wasn't enough time to do that, extend the deadline until your infrastructure is in place. This ain't rocket science, kids!

The more power we hand them the more they grab on their own. And there's no indication in history that points to a government, especially a bureaucracy, being able to do anything right.

I think I might have to start my own "campaign." I'll call it Just Vote No™.

It's easy to take part. Anytime there's a vote where a possible outcome is more governmental interference in citizen's lives, no matter how "noble" the cause, Just Vote No™.

Isn't it fun to be politically active?

Meanwhile, if you foresee a need for a passport anytime in the next couple years, better get out there and start the ball rolling now.

Last Friday, for the first time ever, a Federal Court overturned a handgun ban (one of the myriad unconstitutional handgun laws out there) citing the 2nd Amendment as the cause and plainly stating the a person doesn't have to be a member of a militia to own and/or carry one.

The decision was 2-1 and, interestingly enough, the dissent was due to the fact that Washington, DC (who's draconian law was overturned) is not a state. Did that jurist mean that none of the Bill of Rights applies to citizens of of our capitol? What was she thinking?

I really like the clarity of some of the language in the ruling, especially this part: (the rights in the second amendment) "are not limited to militia service, nor is an individual's enjoyment of the right contingent upon his or continued intermittent enrollment in the militia."

The so-called gun control advocates are, of course -- you should pardon the expression -- up in arms. The Washington Post calls it a "Dangerous Ruling" and goes on for some paragraphs regurgitating all of the usual claptrap from the gun grabbers. No facts to back them up, mind, just the same old same old.

I find it especially amusing that the editor thinks it's going to make DC so much more dangerous when it's already in the top ten dangerous cities in the US. How does he justify this against the fact that even the posher neighborhoods in DC have more crime involving firearms than urban areas right next door in Virginia, a state with considerably easier gun laws?

The DC handgun ban has been in place for a quarter century and hasn't done a thing to reduce the violence. It has, however, enabled the gunbearing criminals considerable peace of mind knowing that their victims are most likely unable to defend themselves.

It's far beyond about time to return that peace of mind to the honest citizens and let the criminals worry a bit more.

Kudos to the panel!

(hat tip to The Agitator, especially here.)

While I was saddened by the passing of John Inman I'm more just plain befuddled as to why Marvel Comics would kill Captain America.

I don't follow any comics but Cap has apparently been involved in a Civil War storyline with a "Superhuman Registration Act" (standing in a thin disguise for the so-called Patriot Act) and is gunned down on the steps of the courthouse where he's about to be indicted for his part in said Civil War.

The thing that troubles me is I can't really tell from the article which side Cap (and Marvel) come down on in regards to personal liberty vs. "security." Do any of you know?

I would say though, that the picture of our red, white and blue hero dead on the courthouse steps might be a clue. But I'm reading into it from my point of view and I suppose it could mean just the opposite of how I feel.

I was very saddened to read yesterday that John Inman had just passed away. He was 71 years old and had been struggling for a long time with Hepatitis A.

I found his most famous work, Are You Being Served?, during a rather sleepless period in my life. Also a very depressed time. The dose of silliness provided by both Mr. Inman (as Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries) and the rest of the cast was just the medicine I needed.

I'm sure struggling with a debilitating and ultimately fatal disease for as long as he did is something I can't understand.

I hope that finally Mr. Humphries is free.

Another one from Clicked. I can hardly do better than his line...

You might be a geek if...

I think I found this on Clicked today, it's an interactive quiz to see if you can name all 50 of the United States in 10 minutes or less.

Remember to click the "Check it out" link in the update for the interactive version. It's a popup window so if you have a popup blocker do whatever magic key press you need so it'll work.

When it pops up the countdown timer starts right away but the cursor is not in the little text box. Stand by on the mouse to click there and then start typing.

You don't have to capitalize but you do have to spell it right.

I've taken several goes at it today and the best I could do was 49 states. Damn Delaware.

Leave a comment with your time and/or best number completed.